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Relationship Talks

10 effective tips to have a successful first date



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I know dates can make a person very nervous.. You want to plan your date to make sure you have a great time and show how much you’re interested in. But you also don’t want to look like you’re trying too hard or investing a lot in something that may not work out.
To help ease your nerves, I’ve turned to research to uncover what actually makes for a great date.
Here are a few tips to have a successful first date:

1.Choose the Right First Date Location

Unless you already know what types of activities your date likes, it’s best to pick a low-pressured place where you can focus on getting to know each other and figuring out how well you connect.
You do not want to go to a nice restaurant and discover before your food even has been brought out that you two don’t“click” and it’s not going to work. In this scenario, you’re stuck for the rest of the meal with an awkward feeling.
Instead of dinner and a movie, suggest trying a local bar. The casual environment serves as a convenient space to have an engaging conversation, without the pressure of dressing fancy or buying an expensive meal.


2. Afternoon, not evening.
If you meet at night, she’ll be wondering “Is he going to invite me home with him” or you might be thinking “should I invite her home with me.” This can cause anxiety that has no reason to exist. Remove that anxiety by meeting in the afternoon.

3. Dress well to impress

10 effective tips to have a successful first date

Model: Hellen Bukky

If a girl agrees to go on a date with you, she’s going to look her best. How do I know?

Because she wants you to know that she’s proud of her appearance, and wants you to realize that she’s a catch. So… why wouldn’t you do the same, and dress your best, too?
If you feel good in what you’re wearing you’ll look good; confidence is everything


4. Opt for an Engaging Conversation

If you are a very quiet and shy person, studies show that when you’re going on a date–especially with a woman–you should opt for an interesting conversation starter instead. Women tend to rate empty compliments and failed attempts at humor poorly. They are more attracted to dates who spark conversation topics that show they are curious, intelligent, and cultured.
Also, the key to a successful conversation in any context–especially when you’re trying to “woe” someone–is reciprocity. When someone shares something about themselves or asks you a question, always reply back by sharing a similar story, or by asking them the same question. It’s polite and it keeps the conversation equal.

5.Have A Conversation (Don’t Just Talk About Yourself

One of the most annoying dates I ever been on was the guy talking about himself the whole time. He didn’t ask me questions about myself. I just had to listen and there was silence “awkward”.
Both men and women have a fear of too much silence on the first date. But plan an activity to bound
One of the most important things to do before you leave the house and before a date starts, is getting your mind right. You can make sure you’re mentally ready if anything happens.

You’ve got to get your mind right before a date.

If we enter into a date feeling unworthy or defeated, those feelings will carry throughout the night. And no matter how much someone likes us and even shows us their feelings, it won’t be enough to break through our own self-doubt. This is why it’s so important to practice self-compassion before a date or every day.

6. Have good manners

Be on time, Open doors. Pull out chairs. Chew with your mouth closed. Pick up the tab.
Be both interesting and interested. Have something unique to talk about. Tell her stories about who you really are and avoid the inauthentic, small talk. Ask her questions about herself that show you have a genuine interest in getting to know her for who she is. Avoid all the topics you know you shouldn’t talk about–exes, politics, religion.
Don’t rush away! Enjoy the moment and adapt. If you’re connecting that well, you’ll find something else to do.
If you can tell that something is making her uncomfortable, remedy the situation. This could mean changing the topic of conversation or even altering your plans. Adapting could make your date smoother.

7. Be cool

10 effective tips to have a successful first date

Model : Helen Bukky

Even with a great plan, No matter what happens, you have to stay cool!
Spill your drink on yourself? Laugh it off. She’ll love your ability to roll with the punches.
Your jokes aren’t working? Refocus your efforts on her. As you get to know her you’ll figure out what makes her laugh.
If you have to adapt so much that you’re no longer able to be yourself take that as a sign that you and the girl might be too different. Adapting will help you have as much fun as possible, but you’ll want to find someone with whom you can be yourself.

8. Body language

Basically, keep a friendly face, an open body posture, and point your body toward your date. It’s the kind of body language that we naturally adopt when we’re into someone, but getting comfortable enough to automatically do these things can be really hard for people.

9. show that you’re having a good time.

Model: Hellen Bukky

Stress shouldn’t keep you from having fun on your date and it shouldn’t keep you from learning how to get a girlfriend. Once she sees you having fun she’ll be instantly more attracted to you, imagining the fun you two could have together.

Chemistry isn’t built overnight and love never happens at first sight. That’s lust. Part of building that chemistry is enjoying each other’s company. Nothing kills a first date like a girl) or a guy that acts like they have something better to do. If you DO have something better to do, go do it.
Well, that’s it. I won’t guarantee that every first date will be awesome, but if you do follow the road map above, they won’t be horrible. Unless of course, the guy is utterly boring. If that’s the case, just end it and walk away. Finding the “right guy” isn’t a one day job. Have the patience and the composure to keep searching.

10. After Date

After a great first date, it’s important to keep in touch with her. So call/text every few days, to let her know you’re still interested. Why should you do that? If you don’t, contrary to what a lot of guys think, It will not make her like you more, it will only make her angry. So keep a good impression from your first date, and keep in contact with your girl.

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Relationship Talks

My Husband is 20 to 30 years older than me, some says I married him for his money but I work and make my own money – Oluwatobi Uzoma Adams



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Relationship  can be a complicated part of life. From where and how you meet somebody, to developing connections, to overcoming hurdles and bridging gaps, to getting married. there are all kinds of things to worry about from the beginning. Adding racial, age difference  and cultural differences to the mix may be a big deal to some, especially when there are historical tensions between the race of one person in the relationship and the race of the other person.

Not all individuals or couples see dating outside their race as being an issue, however. It can be as easy as simply finding someone that you click with and become attracted to, especially if mutual respect exists between the individuals in the relationship. We The Helen Media spoke with Mrs Oluwatobi Uzoma Adams  who is currently in interracial marriage and asked her some questions about her experience.


Can we get to know you?

My Husband is 20 to 30 years older than me, some say I married him for his money but I work and I make my own money - Oluwatobi Uzoma Adams

My name is Oluwatobi uzoma Adams, I am from Ekiti state. Am a wife and mother.

How did you meet your husband  and what attracted you to him?

I met my husband in 2019 on line, I was playing with my phone that day and decide to download some dating site, then I found him, sent him a message and now lol 😂.

Did you have any hesitations about dating outside your race, and how did your family feel? Did your partner feel accepted by them?

oh yes I did at first, but after my first experience, I didn’t care I just wanted a family, I wanted to love again, and I had something to prove to my self and the world. Yes I was scared but love overcomes all things, I was already in love with his smiles. his smile 😊 wow, and I was extremely curious to know him more. lol!
My family was not happy about it at first, they could only see the age difference, but deep down I knew what I needed was is smile and courage, all I needed was him to keep loving me without fail, because I was in a dark place that period, honestly my husband saved my life, yes my husband feels accepted by my family, because  I remember the first day they spoke, my mum and my dad loves, adore respects him. I have not seen anyone who comes in contact with my husband and not admire his person. He is just a loving person and his smiles and gentile words are so contagious

Have your past disappointments with dating your own race lead you to date outside your race? 
Wouldn’t it be easier to date your own race?

Yes and no, past disappointment might have lead me to go searching but I found a great man, a wonderful husband and the best father to my child, I will never ever in any life time to come date or marry anyone apart from my husband.


Is there any age difference? How many years?

My Husband is 20 to 30 years older than me, some say I married him for his money but I work and I make my own money - Oluwatobi Uzoma Adams

Yes there is a age difference between us 2 to 3 decades

How do you feel and why did you get married to someone with so much age difference?

It’s takes someone who has been through what you have been through to understand my decision. Let’s just say age is just a number, and my husband and I met through fate, God sees my heart, he knew I needed a strong man, wise, and caring. he gave me him.
I feel normal, got married to him because I love him, what other reason to marry a man. we going 2 years now and I am left to wonder when the honey moon face will be over. Lol

Due to the age difference, How is your sexual life ? Is there a difference in the intimacy ?

Let’s just say our sex life is great 👍. my husband is extremely man enough in that department, I give him a excellent score, yep hubby knows it all but we connect, and I let him lead, new things to be thought everyday right?

How do you deal with condescending  comments from people because of the age gap

My Husband is 20 to 30 years older than me, some say I married him for his money but I work and I make my own money - Oluwatobi Uzoma Adams

Ignore them, some say I married him for his money  but I work and I make my own money. etc

Has the age difference created any barrier in your  marriage?! communication

Nop but language has, he calls me an old soul, am wiser than my age. But we love different things, he doesn’t force me to do anything, so it’s easy eg when he is watching tv star strek, I will excuse my self to the room to watch cartoons, we respect each other privacy and we understand the ground rules to a successful marriage, communication.

Will you allow your daughter HONESTLY marry someone with this  age gap?

My Husband is 20 to 30 years older than me, some say I married him for his money but I work and I make my own money - Oluwatobi Uzoma Adams

If that’s what she wants why not, my mum and dad has 2 decades between them, my dad treat her like an angel, my dad will sit outside till my mum comes back from a long journey, he won’t sleep until he sees his wife so why not if that’s what she wants.

How do you keep the fire burning in your  marriage

New things everyday, lol. our love is real so we don’t have to do much but we communicate, we find something we can both love to do and we are considering of each other feelings, we don’t sleep with anger in our heart, we tell each other how much we love each other several times in a day , we forgive each other if need be and we talk things through.

Please describe your husband in few sentence.

My husband is the most caring, kindhearted , loving , easy to talk to and the love of my life.

What has been your greatest joy ever since you got married to him?

The day We got married and the day we held our first child .

What has been your  greatness fear as a interracial couple?

My Husband is 20 to 30 years older than me, some say I married him for his money but I work and I make my own money - Oluwatobi Uzoma Adams

I have no fear with my husband by my side but racism is a major factor.

Do you have any to say to people who will love to get married to other race ?

Follow your heart ❤️

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Relationship Talks

How to Strengthen family bonds when you’re staying at home



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By keeping families at home, the Coronavirus did something special to families that have been distant. It provided them with time enough to strengthen their bond. (Well, for those who see it that way.)

I’m not a doctor or a psychologist, but I know what the feeling is to have strong family bonds. It’s one that intoxicates —I experienced it! Yes, I did. Due to the pandemic’s hit, a lot of activities became remote, even working. And it took me home, where I learnt the tips I’m about sharing.

Home should be where your family is; the house, where they are contained, and your heart, the foundation on which love thrives. You make your family stronger through bonds: father-daughter bond, the mother-to-son bond, couples bond, and all other ones your thoughts are coming up with. But, how do you do this?

Known factors that promote bond strengthening aren’t far from reach but are mostly overlooked. Read on, and I’ll reveal some subtle ways to strengthen family bond when you’re staying at home. If well implemented, it would add  core to the bond in your family, even when you do not stay at home all of the time.

My definition of a home might seem absurd, but it’s quite relatable: It’s a place where your heart is and finds peace. One very big challenge faced in building bonds (with your family or anyone at all) is the issue of placing your heart where it should be..

“My family is my life, and everything else comes second as far as what’s important to me.” — Michael Imperioli

Once this wall of priority has been built, it becomes very much easier to carry out all that you’ll knead or knit for yourself from this piece.



How to Strengthen family bonds when you’re staying at home
Never wish you spent a little more time at work. More importantly, never wish you spent a little more time with your family. Okay, pause. What this means is to give more time to your family, and to ensure their happiness while you can. Nothing can be substituted with this.

If really you’re working towards strengthening bonds, then you have to know and understand every member of your family better. This is a cheat-fix for you: you do not have to be rigid in your approach all of the time; let there be an atmosphere of camaraderie around you. Loosen up sometimes.
Inasmuch as you want to build a family where respect is upheld, you should understand that respect is not demanded; it is earned. Respect and Trust actually. In other words, the more you are free with every member; the more you gain their trust; the more their real self is portrayed and understood. This understanding, amongst every member, is what gives strength to individual and collective bonds.

Spice is what every member of the family brings to the table, so don’t forget to add yours. Get creative!
– Give Gifts. Who doesn’t like the sound of that? No one outgrows being delighted with a gift. Or have you? On your next outing, you should try this. Get something out of the usual. Even if it’s a pack of cupcakes for the family.


How to Strengthen family bonds when you’re staying at home

The little things you do today accumulate to form every bit of memory you have of and for yourselves. Be sure to take advantage of the moment. There are countless things you can do together as a family, and you do not want them to slide by.

Below, I’ve put together some of the myriads that there are (you can always add to the list in the comment section):
– Eat (out) together.
– Play together. (Not all lessons are learned from being stone-faced. More on this below)
– Pray together. A family that prays together, stays together. Well, most families.
– See movies together.
– Cook, and create new recipes.
– Assignments
– Picnics
– Jog and walks
– Exercise


Give room for every member to voice out without being shunned. You want to create an impression that you are a good listener and not just a dictator. If possible, create time to meet with every member separately to ask about their wellbeing, and spend time knowing how their day went.

Discuss. At the table, about issues. Let everyone speak their mind, and give room for corrections. This fosters the feeling that everyone has an opinion in the family building. And when correcting, do so in love. When you talk about the challenges and discuss the possible solutions, then you can come up with family goals that will address those problems.

Laying aside the hypothetical bias that boys are drawn to their mothers and girls, to their fathers. The real magnet is the care and attention given by one side and received by the other. Everybody likes attention. The same way you like being heard is the same way your family craves it, and how you give it should not come with any bias – it will be noticed.

Pay attention to details, from the smallest to the biggest. Like the fact that your child doesn’t like being called by a particular pet name, or your spouse enjoys the eat-outs on Sunday evenings. These tiny things will guarantee you an understanding of your family. Trust me!

Relationships are built on communication, effective communication. This must exist between you and your spouse, as well as other members of the family –even the baby in the womb. Never underestimate the power of physical touch in communication. Even the unborn child appreciates this (when it kicks, and the stomach is caressed), talk more grownups.
If your son would not refuse a kiss to his head, I bet your spouse would not refuse a massage! More importantly, when you’re away from home, Call. Text. Video call.


How to Strengthen family bonds when you’re staying at home

The Olorunfemi Family.

As much as you can, reduce screen time when you are at home so as to maximize your family time (even if it’s just during family meals). Yes, drop that device! One of the many practical things you can do together is having fun. Let your kids see you as their play buddy too.

Being friends with your kids is a surety when they know you create time for fun. You are not a bore! Don’t let your spouse see you as one around the kids. Integration is important, and what better way to do so than this?

You should try these out:
– Create a mini cinema in your living room, and stretch a day into the night because of it.
– Draw together, homework too.- Read to each other.
– Go on spontaneous trips (Out of the blues!)
– Games and sports (Card games, board games, soccer, and more)

– Little contests. (Staring contest, dancing. Mannequin challenge, amongst the lots.)
– Make funny family videos, and take photographs.
– Plant a mini garden. If you know little, you can learn from your kids. (You can use that avenue to teach them life and growth principles.)
– Family parties. Weekend getaways.
– Learn an instrument, sing along, and play together.

“Your family and your love must be cultivated like a garden. Time, effort, and imagination must be summoned constantly to keep any relationship flourishing and growing.” – Jim Rohn
Phew! Seems like a lot?

Here’s how you begin. You begin by stepping back from that wonderful computer screen and pulling your mind off of your devices to your family. Hey! At the end of the day, you’re not just strengthening your family bond, you’re building a strong family.

The words of Leon Ho, founder, and CEO of Lifehack, on setting family goals would make for my subscript:

“Keep in mind that when setting your family goals, your ultimate objectives will be to build a strong, healthy, and happy family. Being strong means that your family is bonded firmly together and that every member feels important and connected to the family.”

What you just read is a sure-fire way to building and strengthening the family bond. It’s proven because it worked for me. Was this insightful? Leave a comment below!

ALSO READ : 10 effective tips to have a successful first date 

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Relationship Talks

8 Warning signs your partner is secretly unhappy



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When our relationships are great, we feel happy, assured, and empowered. But what if you suspect that your partner is… unhappy?

The sad truth is that sometimes, no matter what we do, your partner can secretly feel unhappy about the relationship you’re in.

And because most people tend to avoid conflicts, it is very likely that your partner won’t be willing to share about it.

If you are concerned that something is missing from your relationship, here are a few signs your partner is unhappy or at least irritated. Let’s take a look.

1. Your Partner Keeps Reminding You Of The Past Issues

A tell-tale sign that your partner is unhappy is the tendency to fight over the past problems or something that you’ve done in the past.

This can happen when your partner is unhappy AND unconsciously looking for a way to justify these feelings by creating a fight where there shouldn’t be one.

2. Your Partner Has Unexplained Mood Swings

If your partner seems to be happy at the moment but transforms into a grumpy or angry person shortly after and without a particular reason, it might be a sign of ongoing inner conflict. Specialists believe this happens because of a person’s inability to discuss what makes him or her unhappy and it results in one being sensitive and irritated. Unexplained bursts of anger can also signal that your partner is unhappy and tired of giving effort for your relationship.

3. Your Partner Gives You Silent Treatments

If you used to be the couple who couldn’t wait to chit-chat about their day-to-day activities, silent treatment, or something that closely resembles it could also be a sign that your partner is unhappy. In it’s purest form, a silent treatment will follow after a fight and last for a pretty long time, but it can happen even without a fight.

4. Your Partner Does Not Listen To You

If you are trying to resolve a problem and your partner shuts you off, it might be a sign that your partner is unhappy – he is just not interested to find a mutual consensus. Yet, even though it might seem like a mission impossible, re-engaging in a conversation could be really helpful here.

5. Your Partner Talks About His / Her Colleagues… A Lot

No one is happy to hear their partner constantly chatting about those “awesome coworkers”… But since we spend most of our time in workplaces, it happens quite often. Noticing that your partner can’t stop talking about colleagues can be a sign that’s something is missing in your relationship and it makes your loved one focus on other people.

6. Your Partner Compulsively Buys Unnecessary Stuff

Some studies observed that men, just like women, are prone to compulsive shopping and they do it when they feel unhappy in some part of their life, including their relationships. A sudden burst of new purchases might also be a sign that your partner is unhappy or unsure about the commitment to your relationship (therefore seeks value in possessions).

7. Your Partner Forgets (?) To Apologize

When your partner is unhappy, he can seem to forget to apologize after you’ve had a fight or disagreement. Yes, it’s pretty weird to feel that someone forgot to say “sorry”, especially if that person was the one who started a fight. Mostly, it happens when a partner believes that there is nothing else to do about the situation or still feels angry inside even though the problem is sorted out.

8. Your Partner Hides His / Her Phone
This is more than a sign that your partner is unhappy… It might tell you that your partner is looking for someone else. Being extremely careful with one’s smartphone could mean that your partner is trying to hide something and it’s one of the most important signs your partner is unhappy.


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