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8 Warning signs your partner is secretly unhappy

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When our relationships are great, we feel happy, assured, and empowered. But what if you suspect that your partner is… unhappy?

The sad truth is that sometimes, no matter what we do, your partner can secretly feel unhappy about the relationship you’re in.

And because most people tend to avoid conflicts, it is very likely that your partner won’t be willing to share about it.

If you are concerned that something is missing from your relationship, here are a few signs your partner is unhappy or at least irritated. Let’s take a look.

1. Your Partner Keeps Reminding You Of The Past Issues

A tell-tale sign that your partner is unhappy is the tendency to fight over the past problems or something that you’ve done in the past.

This can happen when your partner is unhappy AND unconsciously looking for a way to justify these feelings by creating a fight where there shouldn’t be one.

2. Your Partner Has Unexplained Mood Swings

If your partner seems to be happy at the moment but transforms into a grumpy or angry person shortly after and without a particular reason, it might be a sign of ongoing inner conflict. Specialists believe this happens because of a person’s inability to discuss what makes him or her unhappy and it results in one being sensitive and irritated. Unexplained bursts of anger can also signal that your partner is unhappy and tired of giving effort for your relationship.

3. Your Partner Gives You Silent Treatments

If you used to be the couple who couldn’t wait to chit-chat about their day-to-day activities, silent treatment, or something that closely resembles it could also be a sign that your partner is unhappy. In it’s purest form, a silent treatment will follow after a fight and last for a pretty long time, but it can happen even without a fight.

4. Your Partner Does Not Listen To You

If you are trying to resolve a problem and your partner shuts you off, it might be a sign that your partner is unhappy – he is just not interested to find a mutual consensus. Yet, even though it might seem like a mission impossible, re-engaging in a conversation could be really helpful here.

5. Your Partner Talks About His / Her Colleagues… A Lot

No one is happy to hear their partner constantly chatting about those “awesome coworkers”… But since we spend most of our time in workplaces, it happens quite often. Noticing that your partner can’t stop talking about colleagues can be a sign that’s something is missing in your relationship and it makes your loved one focus on other people.

6. Your Partner Compulsively Buys Unnecessary Stuff

Some studies observed that men, just like women, are prone to compulsive shopping and they do it when they feel unhappy in some part of their life, including their relationships. A sudden burst of new purchases might also be a sign that your partner is unhappy or unsure about the commitment to your relationship (therefore seeks value in possessions).

7. Your Partner Forgets (?) To Apologize

When your partner is unhappy, he can seem to forget to apologize after you’ve had a fight or disagreement. Yes, it’s pretty weird to feel that someone forgot to say “sorry”, especially if that person was the one who started a fight. Mostly, it happens when a partner believes that there is nothing else to do about the situation or still feels angry inside even though the problem is sorted out.

8. Your Partner Hides His / Her Phone
This is more than a sign that your partner is unhappy… It might tell you that your partner is looking for someone else. Being extremely careful with one’s smartphone could mean that your partner is trying to hide something and it’s one of the most important signs your partner is unhappy.

 


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Vaginal Birth among Nigerian Females; Preparation & Delivery Basis, Child Birth Stages.

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Vaginal Birth
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Every delivery is as unique and individual as each mother and infant. In addition, women may have completely different experiences with each new labor and delivery. Giving birth is a life-changing event that will leave an impression on you for the rest of your life.

A vaginal birth is the “natural” way to deliver a baby. A vaginal delivery is the birth of offspring in mammals (babies in humans) through the vagina (also called the “birth canal”). It is the natural method of birth for all mammals except monotremes, which lay eggs.

For humans, the average length of a hospital stay for a normal vaginal delivery is 36–48 hours. Surgery extends that stay. With an episiotomy (a surgical cut to widen the vaginal canal) to enable vaginal birth, the stay is 48–60 hours. The length of stay for a Caesarean section (C-section), a common form of non -vaginal birth, is 72–108 hours.

 

 

Types of vaginal delivery

 

Different types of vaginal deliveries have different terms:

A spontaneous vaginal delivery (SVD) occurs when a pregnant female goes into labor without the use of drugs or techniques to induce labor, and delivers her baby in the normal manner, without forceps, vacuum extraction, or a cesarean section.

 

An assisted vaginal delivery (AVD) or instrumental vaginal delivery occurs when a pregnant female goes into labor (with or without the use of drugs or techniques to induce labor), and requires the use of special instruments such as forceps or a vacuum extractor to deliver her baby vaginally.

 

An induced vaginal delivery is a delivery involving labor induction, where drugs or manual techniques are used to initiate the process of labor. Use of the term “IVD” in this context is less common than for instrumental vaginal delivery.

A normal vaginal delivery (NVD) is a vaginal delivery, whether or not assisted or induced, usually used in statistics or studies to contrast with a delivery by cesarean section.

 

How to Prepare For a Vaginal Delivery as an Expectant Nigerian Mother

While it’s nearly impossible to plan for every aspect of your labor and delivery, you’ll likely appreciate feeling prepared. A few things to think through in advance of your vaginal birth:

 

  • Create your birth plan, so you and your practitioner are on the same page as to how you’d ideally like your birth to go down (keeping in mind, of course, that things rarely go exactly as planned)

 

  • Pack your hospital bag

 

  • Make a visit to the hospital or birthing center where you want to deliver

 

  • Take peek at a few common labor positions

 

  • Read up on breastfeeding basics, since you’ll most likely be able to give it a shot the moment your baby arrives

 

  • Know the signs of labor so you’ll be aware when baby’s almost here!

 

The Stages of a Vaginal Birth (CHILD BIRTH STAGE)

 

Early phases of labor

 

Amniotic sac: The amniotic sac is the fluid-filled membrane surrounding your baby. This sac will almost always rupture before the baby is born, though in some cases it remains intact until delivery. When it ruptures, it’s often described as your “water breaking.” In most cases, your water will break before you go into labor or at the very beginning of labor. Most women experience their water breaking as a gush of fluid. It should be clear and odorless — if it’s yellow, green, or brown, contact your doctor right away.

 

Contractions: Contractions are the tightening and releasing of your uterus. These motions will eventually help your baby push through the cervix. Contractions can feel like heavy cramping or pressure that begins in your back and moves to the front. Contractions aren’t a reliable indicator of labor. You might already have felt Braxton-Hicks contractions, which may have started as early as your second trimester. A general rule is that when you are having contractions that last for a minute, are five minutes apart, and have been so for an hour, you’re in true labor.

 

Cervix dilation: The cervix is the lowest part of the uterus that opens into the vagina. The cervix is a tubular structure approximately 3 to 4 centimeters in length with a passage that connects the uterine cavity to the vagina. During labor, the role of the cervix must change from maintaining the pregnancy (by keeping the uterus closed) to facilitating the delivery of the baby (by dilating, or opening, enough to allow the baby through. The fundamental changes that occur near the end of the pregnancy result in a softening of the cervical tissue and thinning of the cervix, both of which help prepare the cervix. True, active labor is considered to be underway when the cervix is dilated 3 centimeters or more.

 

Labor and delivery: Eventually, the cervical canal must open until the cervical opening itself has reached 10 centimeters in diameter and the baby is able to pass into the birth canal. As the baby enters the vagina, your skin and muscles stretch. The labia and perineum (the area between the vagina and the rectum) eventually reach a point of maximum stretching. At this point, the skin may feel like it’s burning. Some childbirth educators call this the ring of fire because of the burning sensation felt as the mother’s tissues stretch around the baby’s head. At this time, your healthcare provider may decide to perform an episiotomy. You may or may not feel the episiotomy because the skin and muscles can lose sensation due to how tightly they’re stretched.

 

The Birth: As the baby’s head emerges, there is a great relief from the pressure, although you’ll probably still feel some discomfort. Your nurse or doctor will ask you to stop pushing momentarily while the baby’s mouth and nose are suctioned to clear out amniotic fluid and mucus. It’s important to do this before the baby starts to breathe and cry. Usually, the doctor will rotate the baby’s head a quarter of a turn to be in alignment with the baby’s body, which is still inside you. You’ll then be asked to begin pushing again to deliver the shoulders. The top shoulder comes first and then the lower shoulder. Then, with one last push, you deliver your baby!

 

 

For women who deliver vaginally, childbirth progresses in three stages:

 

Stage 1: Labor

Labor itself is divided into three phases — early labor, active labor and transitional labor. All women who deliver vaginally will experience all three phases of labor, though you may not notice the first phase at all. The timing and intensity of contractions can help clue you in to which phase of labor you’re in, while periodic physical exams will confirm your progress.

 

Stage 2: Pushing and delivery of the baby

This is when your cervix reaches the magic 10 cm mark — meaning you’re fully dilated. Now it’s your turn to push your baby the rest of the way through the birth canal, unless you’re laboring down (in which case you’ll catch a break for a few minutes to an hour while your uterus does most of the work bringing baby farther down into the birth canal). You may wonder; does pushing hurt more than contractions? Most women actually find that transitional labor, or those last 2 to 3 cm of dilation, is the most demanding and intense phase of labor — but it’s fortunately also the shortest, usually lasting 15 minutes to an hour. As your baby crowns and you push him or her out, you will feel a tingling, stretching or burning sensation (it’s called the “ring of fire” for a reason).

 

Stage 3: Delivery of the placenta

The placenta and the amniotic sac that supported and protected the baby for nine months are still in the uterus after the delivery. These need to be delivered, and this can happen spontaneously or it may take as long as half an hour. Your midwife or doctor may rub your abdomen below your belly button to help tighten the uterus and loosen the placenta.

 

Your uterus is now about the size of a large grapefruit. You may need to push to help deliver the placenta. You may feel some pressure as the placenta is expelled but not nearly as much pressure as when the baby was born.

 

Your healthcare provider will inspect the delivered placenta to make sure it was delivered in full. On rare occasions, some of the placenta doesn’t release and may remain adhered to the wall of the uterus.

 

If this happens, your provider will reach into your uterus to remove the leftover pieces in order to prevent heavy bleeding that can result from a torn placenta. If you would like to see the placenta, please ask. Usually, they’ll be happy to show you.

 

 

 

 

 

 


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My Husband is 20 to 30 years older than me, some says I married him for his money but I work and make my own money – Oluwatobi Uzoma Adams

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Relationship  can be a complicated part of life. From where and how you meet somebody, to developing connections, to overcoming hurdles and bridging gaps, to getting married. there are all kinds of things to worry about from the beginning. Adding racial, age difference  and cultural differences to the mix may be a big deal to some, especially when there are historical tensions between the race of one person in the relationship and the race of the other person.

Not all individuals or couples see dating outside their race as being an issue, however. It can be as easy as simply finding someone that you click with and become attracted to, especially if mutual respect exists between the individuals in the relationship. We The Helen Media spoke with Mrs Oluwatobi Uzoma Adams  who is currently in interracial marriage and asked her some questions about her experience.

 

Can we get to know you?

My Husband is 20 to 30 years older than me, some say I married him for his money but I work and I make my own money - Oluwatobi Uzoma Adams

My name is Oluwatobi uzoma Adams, I am from Ekiti state. Am a wife and mother.

How did you meet your husband  and what attracted you to him?

I met my husband in 2019 on line, I was playing with my phone that day and decide to download some dating site, then I found him, sent him a message and now lol 😂.


Did you have any hesitations about dating outside your race, and how did your family feel? Did your partner feel accepted by them?

oh yes I did at first, but after my first experience, I didn’t care I just wanted a family, I wanted to love again, and I had something to prove to my self and the world. Yes I was scared but love overcomes all things, I was already in love with his smiles. his smile 😊 wow, and I was extremely curious to know him more. lol!
My family was not happy about it at first, they could only see the age difference, but deep down I knew what I needed was is smile and courage, all I needed was him to keep loving me without fail, because I was in a dark place that period, honestly my husband saved my life, yes my husband feels accepted by my family, because  I remember the first day they spoke, my mum and my dad loves, adore respects him. I have not seen anyone who comes in contact with my husband and not admire his person. He is just a loving person and his smiles and gentile words are so contagious


Have your past disappointments with dating your own race lead you to date outside your race? 
Wouldn’t it be easier to date your own race?

Yes and no, past disappointment might have lead me to go searching but I found a great man, a wonderful husband and the best father to my child, I will never ever in any life time to come date or marry anyone apart from my husband.

 

Is there any age difference? How many years?

My Husband is 20 to 30 years older than me, some say I married him for his money but I work and I make my own money - Oluwatobi Uzoma Adams

Yes there is a age difference between us 2 to 3 decades


How do you feel and why did you get married to someone with so much age difference?

It’s takes someone who has been through what you have been through to understand my decision. Let’s just say age is just a number, and my husband and I met through fate, God sees my heart, he knew I needed a strong man, wise, and caring. he gave me him.
I feel normal, got married to him because I love him, what other reason to marry a man. we going 2 years now and I am left to wonder when the honey moon face will be over. Lol


Due to the age difference, How is your sexual life ? Is there a difference in the intimacy ?

Let’s just say our sex life is great 👍. my husband is extremely man enough in that department, I give him a excellent score, yep hubby knows it all but we connect, and I let him lead, new things to be thought everyday right?


How do you deal with condescending  comments from people because of the age gap

My Husband is 20 to 30 years older than me, some say I married him for his money but I work and I make my own money - Oluwatobi Uzoma Adams

Ignore them, some say I married him for his money  but I work and I make my own money. etc


Has the age difference created any barrier in your  marriage?!..eg- communication

Nop but language has, he calls me an old soul, am wiser than my age. But we love different things, he doesn’t force me to do anything, so it’s easy eg when he is watching tv star strek, I will excuse my self to the room to watch cartoons, we respect each other privacy and we understand the ground rules to a successful marriage, communication.


Will you allow your daughter HONESTLY marry someone with this  age gap?

My Husband is 20 to 30 years older than me, some say I married him for his money but I work and I make my own money - Oluwatobi Uzoma Adams

If that’s what she wants why not, my mum and dad has 2 decades between them, my dad treat her like an angel, my dad will sit outside till my mum comes back from a long journey, he won’t sleep until he sees his wife so why not if that’s what she wants.


How do you keep the fire burning in your  marriage

New things everyday, lol. our love is real so we don’t have to do much but we communicate, we find something we can both love to do and we are considering of each other feelings, we don’t sleep with anger in our heart, we tell each other how much we love each other several times in a day , we forgive each other if need be and we talk things through.


Please describe your husband in few sentence.

My husband is the most caring, kindhearted , loving , easy to talk to and the love of my life.


What has been your greatest joy ever since you got married to him?

The day We got married and the day we held our first child .


What has been your  greatness fear as a interracial couple?

My Husband is 20 to 30 years older than me, some say I married him for his money but I work and I make my own money - Oluwatobi Uzoma Adams

I have no fear with my husband by my side but racism is a major factor.


Do you have any to say to people who will love to get married to other race ?

Follow your heart ❤️


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10 effective tips to have a successful first date

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I know dates can make a person very nervous.. You want to plan your date to make sure you have a great time and show how much you’re interested in. But you also don’t want to look like you’re trying too hard or investing a lot in something that may not work out.
To help ease your nerves, I’ve turned to research to uncover what actually makes for a great date.
Here are a few tips to have a successful first date:


1.Choose the Right First Date Location

Unless you already know what types of activities your date likes, it’s best to pick a low-pressured place where you can focus on getting to know each other and figuring out how well you connect.
You do not want to go to a nice restaurant and discover before your food even has been brought out that you two don’t“click” and it’s not going to work. In this scenario, you’re stuck for the rest of the meal with an awkward feeling.
Instead of dinner and a movie, suggest trying a local bar. The casual environment serves as a convenient space to have an engaging conversation, without the pressure of dressing fancy or buying an expensive meal.

 

2. Afternoon, not evening.
If you meet at night, she’ll be wondering “Is he going to invite me home with him” or you might be thinking “should I invite her home with me.” This can cause anxiety that has no reason to exist. Remove that anxiety by meeting in the afternoon.


3. Dress well to impress

10 effective tips to have a successful first date

Model: Hellen Bukky

If a girl agrees to go on a date with you, she’s going to look her best. How do I know?

Because she wants you to know that she’s proud of her appearance, and wants you to realize that she’s a catch. So… why wouldn’t you do the same, and dress your best, too?
If you feel good in what you’re wearing you’ll look good; confidence is everything

 

4. Opt for an Engaging Conversation

If you are a very quiet and shy person, studies show that when you’re going on a date–especially with a woman–you should opt for an interesting conversation starter instead. Women tend to rate empty compliments and failed attempts at humor poorly. They are more attracted to dates who spark conversation topics that show they are curious, intelligent, and cultured.
Also, the key to a successful conversation in any context–especially when you’re trying to “woe” someone–is reciprocity. When someone shares something about themselves or asks you a question, always reply back by sharing a similar story, or by asking them the same question. It’s polite and it keeps the conversation equal.


5.Have A Conversation (Don’t Just Talk About Yourself

One of the most annoying dates I ever been on was the guy talking about himself the whole time. He didn’t ask me questions about myself. I just had to listen and there was silence “awkward”.
Both men and women have a fear of too much silence on the first date. But plan an activity to bound
One of the most important things to do before you leave the house and before a date starts, is getting your mind right. You can make sure you’re mentally ready if anything happens.

You’ve got to get your mind right before a date.

If we enter into a date feeling unworthy or defeated, those feelings will carry throughout the night. And no matter how much someone likes us and even shows us their feelings, it won’t be enough to break through our own self-doubt. This is why it’s so important to practice self-compassion before a date or every day.


6. Have good manners

Be on time, Open doors. Pull out chairs. Chew with your mouth closed. Pick up the tab.
Be both interesting and interested. Have something unique to talk about. Tell her stories about who you really are and avoid the inauthentic, small talk. Ask her questions about herself that show you have a genuine interest in getting to know her for who she is. Avoid all the topics you know you shouldn’t talk about–exes, politics, religion.
Don’t rush away! Enjoy the moment and adapt. If you’re connecting that well, you’ll find something else to do.
If you can tell that something is making her uncomfortable, remedy the situation. This could mean changing the topic of conversation or even altering your plans. Adapting could make your date smoother.


7. Be cool

10 effective tips to have a successful first date

Model : Helen Bukky

Even with a great plan, No matter what happens, you have to stay cool!
Spill your drink on yourself? Laugh it off. She’ll love your ability to roll with the punches.
Your jokes aren’t working? Refocus your efforts on her. As you get to know her you’ll figure out what makes her laugh.
If you have to adapt so much that you’re no longer able to be yourself take that as a sign that you and the girl might be too different. Adapting will help you have as much fun as possible, but you’ll want to find someone with whom you can be yourself.


8. Body language

Basically, keep a friendly face, an open body posture, and point your body toward your date. It’s the kind of body language that we naturally adopt when we’re into someone, but getting comfortable enough to automatically do these things can be really hard for people.


9. show that you’re having a good time.

Model: Hellen Bukky

Stress shouldn’t keep you from having fun on your date and it shouldn’t keep you from learning how to get a girlfriend. Once she sees you having fun she’ll be instantly more attracted to you, imagining the fun you two could have together.

Chemistry isn’t built overnight and love never happens at first sight. That’s lust. Part of building that chemistry is enjoying each other’s company. Nothing kills a first date like a girl) or a guy that acts like they have something better to do. If you DO have something better to do, go do it.
Well, that’s it. I won’t guarantee that every first date will be awesome, but if you do follow the road map above, they won’t be horrible. Unless of course, the guy is utterly boring. If that’s the case, just end it and walk away. Finding the “right guy” isn’t a one day job. Have the patience and the composure to keep searching.


10. After Date

After a great first date, it’s important to keep in touch with her. So call/text every few days, to let her know you’re still interested. Why should you do that? If you don’t, contrary to what a lot of guys think, It will not make her like you more, it will only make her angry. So keep a good impression from your first date, and keep in contact with your girl.


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